A package got lost. A home rental has turned into a fiasco because the home looks nothing like how you saw it on the website. You wrongfully got a parking violation that needs resolve. You, as the hard-working, society contributing, adult you are have been tasked with a task so menacing that no one in your adolescent years dared to tell you about. No parent warned, no teacher instructed, no camp counselor sang a song. You, my friend, need to call the 1-800 number.
*Muffled cries in the distance can be heard*
We’ve all been there. All you want to do is talk to another hard-working, society contributing adult but all you’re left with the less than realistic voice of a machine pretending to be a hard-working, society contributing adult. You have precious time being wasted by a never-ending menu of options and no matter how many times the voice on the machine tells you they understand words they apparently do not know the word “agent” or “customer service representative”.
All we want are real people to stand with us through our real problems. Like a vendor jotting down the wrong address that they tried shipping your shoes to and now you need to find your detective hat buried deep in the closet to frantically try to intercept said package while the delivery company and vendor keep pointing fingers at one another saying it’s the fault of the other. You know, first world problems of the sort. Nothing is quite as demoralizing as a company thinking they added the correct menu choices for your highly specific and “could only happen to you” problem.
Not only have you gone through the first ring of hell trying to get connected. Then, they patch you through and leave you with elevator music you haven’t heard since you stepped foot into a department store with your mom back in the 1980s while you were shopping for another IZOD polo color to add to your collection and another pair of penny loafers because you wore a hole through your first. This brings us to the second ring of hell: the “did you know” portion of the script. Amid the music, they bless you with a brief intermission stating the most painstaking question/statement/attempt to get you off the phone or just completely enrage what’s left of you:
“Did you know that you can check your account/order/shipping status with us 24 hours a day / 7 days a week by visiting [account login webpage]? Here you can view information about your account/order/shipping, as well as answers to general questions you may have.”
Well, kind voice of an automated machine that I would love nothing more than to hang up on if it didn’t mean losing my place in line. If your webpage was any assistance to me, I would not be here on the phone with you and praying to all that is holy that I can talk to a human being.
Finally, when we get to the beloved human we’ve all been hoping for and surprised by the relief and joy we feel when we hear this stranger’s voice – they’re reading from a script, too.
We’ve all been there. We don’t want to be; however, there is sometimes a harsh reality to being a hard-working, society contributing adult.
We know service. We know real humans. Call us anytime, (347) 921-2047.
brandbliss is a no-nonsense branding, growth marketing, and business strategy agency dedicated
to helping our clients grow, innovate, and succeed in the modern marketing ecosystem. We are located in Yonkers, NY.